


Make Me Feel Alive, Shatter Me

by Lyoung_50



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Break up sex, Hate Sex, Lots of Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 07:02:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20287354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyoung_50/pseuds/Lyoung_50
Summary: Alec was leaning against the doorjamb like it was the only think keeping him upright. He’d have thought the shadowhunter was drunk if it hadn’t been for the sleep-bruised, bloodshot eyes that were staring daggers back at him.“You’re an asshole, you know that?”





	Make Me Feel Alive, Shatter Me

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on Tumblr: @inquisitor-lightwood-bane

Magnus was doing an exceptional job of wallowing in self-pity and staring absently into a rocks glass of amber whiskey when the knock on his door came. He scowled at the black wood for a moment before raising a hand and flicking his fingers to open the door. His heart dropped like a sinking stone when he saw the figure standing on the other side of the threshold. 

Alec was leaning against the doorjamb like it was the only think keeping him upright. He’d have thought the shadowhunter was drunk if it hadn’t been for the sleep-bruised, bloodshot eyes that were staring daggers back at him. 

“You’re an asshole, you know that?” Alec snarled out, his eyes burning as he watched Magnus standing to set the glass on the bar cart. 

“It’s been said more than once. You’ll have to be more specific, shadowhunter.” He spat the word like it was venom lingering on his tongue. He pretended not to notice the flinch at the word. 

“I haven’t slept in days. I’ve burned through more endurance runes than I can count, and I’m still exhausted.” 

“And how’s that my fault? You can’t blame me for your insomnia.” Magnus crossed his arms over his chest as Alec stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. 

“I can,” He started, seeming to mull over his next words briefly before continuing. “When the reason I haven’t slept is because I can’t get you out of my head. When I close my eyes, it’s _you_. You’re always there. Telling me that this is over. That you don’t _want me_. Like I don’t matter.” 

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Magnus’ tongue felt several sizes too big for his mouth as he spoke. 

“I guess there’s nothing that you can say, is there?” Alec gave a humorless laugh. “You’ve pretty much said it all. I don’t even know why I’m here.” 

“Then leave.” 

The silence between them was heavy, and the expression Alec wore was full of righteous fury. Magnus opened his mouth to speak, but Alec was on him before he could do so. 

The air rushed from his lungs when his back connected with the brick pillar with Alec’s large palm pressed to the center of his chest. 

“You walked away from me.” The words were snarled against the curve of Magnus’ jaw between biting kisses as Alec’s teeth scraped over the stubbled skin. His ringed fingers drove into Alec’s hair, holding him in place with a whimper into the heated air between them when he felt blunt teeth sink into the side of his neck hard enough to bruise. _”Why can’t I hate you? By the Angel, I’ve tried so hard to hate you for this.” _

“I’ve tried to hate you, too.” Magnus dropped his free hand to Alec’s shoulder, his polished nails dug into the flesh there until Alec hissed out a breath in pain. He took half a step back, but Magnus held fast, his fingers tightening in Alec’s hair to keep him close. “Don’t.” 

It was all the encouragement Alec needed, and he was back on him, his hands went to Magnus’ thighs and lifted him off his feet to pull his legs around Alec’s hips. He groaned softly when he realized that Alec had already hardened behind his thick gear pants. 

The kiss that followed was more teeth than anything, each of them biting into the kiss like they were starved, until Alec’s fingers curled around Magnus’ jaw hard enough to pull them apart. His lips immediately went to Magnus’ throat, teeth leaving dark purple in their wake as his hips rocked uncoordinatedly against the warlock’s. 

Alec cursed under his breath when he began fumbling with their respective pants, trying to rip them out of the way while not removing his lips from Magnus’ skin. Magnus rolled his eyes and waved a hand, the blue crackle of his magic the only warning before they were both bare. He reached a hand to Alec’s wrist and drew the man’s hand down to his entrance. 

Alec sucked in a ragged breath when his fingers slid into Magnus with no resistance. 

“Handy trick,” He snarled, his fingers curling mercilessly until they reached their mark and Magnus arched like he’d grabbed onto a livewire. “Where’s this been the past few months.” 

“Didn’t want to make it too easy for you, practice makes,” He gasped out a soft “ah” when Alec pressed two fingers against his prostate, drumming them lightly. “_Perfect_." 

“Tell me you miss me.” Alec’s lips were against his ear as his fingers kept up their agonizing rhythm that had Magnus writhing against him. 

“Alec, please.” He rasped out, his eyes fluttering closed. They shot open in shock when Alec’s hand went to his jaw with a crack. 

“No. Don’t close them. Look at me. Let me see them.” Magnus felt the familiar tingle through his limbs as his glamour dropped. He watched Alec through his slitted eyes as the shadowhunter’s face softened. “Just…say it.” 

“I miss you, Alexander.” The words sounded as if they’d been torn from Magnus’ chest. He barely had time to note the unshed tears in Alec’s eyes before the other man withdrew his hand and snapped his hips up to bury himself in Magnus with no warning. The moan of surprise and pleasure that filled the air was animalistic. “_Alexander._” 

“I know you’re lying.” Alec mumbled against Magnus’ shoulder as his hips beat out a manic rhythm of skin on skin. Magnus drew his nails over the pale skin of Alec’s back, leaving long trails of blood over the thick black lines of his runes. 

“Never.” He replied on a moaned exhale. Alec’s hips shifted to hit that delicate bundle of nerves on each thrust of his hips. Magnus felt himself quaking and shuddering in Alec’s hold with each movement. After four hundred years of existence, he had good stamina, but this was going to shatter him far before he was ready for it to. 

Then again, hadn’t that always been the way it was with him and Alexander? 

“Shit,” Alec hissed under his breath, his forehead sweaty when it dropped to Magnus’ shoulder. His hands dropped to Magnus’ hips, holding on tight enough to ensure that there would be Lightwood Elegant Fingers bruised into his tanned skin for days to come as his hips stuttered a few times then snapped forward and stilled when his release slammed into him like a freight train. Feeling Alec sag against him and his heart hammering in his chest was enough to send Magnus over the edge with only a few shaky flicks of Alec’s wrist. “Sorry.” Alec’s voice was muffled against his shoulder as he carefully set Magnus down. 

They both hissed softly when Alec slid free and Magnus waved a hand to clean them both, his nose wrinkled. With another wave of his fingers, he was clad in a black silk robe, tied loosely at the waist, and he had Alec’s clothes folded in one hand. 

“I,” He started, but his voice broke traitorously. Magnus cleared his throat quietly before trying again. “I think it’s best if you go, Alexander. You know that this doesn’t change anything.” He handed the clothes over and watched silently as Alec took them and dressed, his dark gaze averted from Magnus’. 

“I shouldn’t have come.” Alec mumbled softly. 

“Probably not,” Magnus agreed, ignoring the churning in his stomach that the statement caused. He crossed to the armoire in the corner, looking through the hazy glass until his gaze settled on a small vile of violet liquid. He plucked it off the shelf and turned back to Alec, holding it out in front of him. “Take this. It will help with the not sleeping. You need your rest, Alexander, it’s not safe to be out hunting demons half-asleep.” 

Alec straightened up after tightening his worn boots. His hair was a wreck and Magnus couldn’t find it in him to not reach out and fix some of the unruly locks. It was his fault, it was only right that he corrected it. 

“What do you care if I’m overtired on patrol?” Alec snapped as he took the vial and tucked it into his gear jacket. 

“Don’t ask me questions you know I cannot answer, Alexander.” Magnus’ voice was soft and pained. 

“Alec.” His heart sank. “My friends call me Alec. If you’re so intent that you can’t do this anymore, you will too. Thanks for this.” He tapped the pocket of his gear jacket. Magnus took half a step forward, but Alec was already stepping toward the door. 

“I do.” Alec froze, his shoulders a tense line and his hand on the door. “Of course I miss you, Alexander. I lo--.” 

“Don’t,” Alec’s voice was subarctic. “Don’t tell me you love me if you are going to make me walk out this door again.” 

The silence was painful until Alec chuckled hopelessly, opened the door, and walked out. The door behind him echoed like a gunshot. 

“I love you.” The whispered confession fell on silent walls. 

On the other side of the dark wood, with his forehead pressed to the cool door, Alec’s voice was rough when he whispered “I love you, too”.


End file.
